“It is a joy to be hidden and a disaster not to be found”
D.W. Winnicott
We all have a push-pull in us – to be autonomous, independent and strong yet also to connect, to be seen, understood and supported. Balancing these and finding what we need when we need it is what we all strive for, yet it can be so hard to do. You may notice that you have habitual patterns in relationship with others – whether this is with a partner, friends, family members, authority figures or anyone else in your life.
What You Want
Maybe you want to become more secure and resilient. Maybe you want to deepen your relationships and feel more connected to the important people in your life. Working on your relational patterns in individual therapy can guide you towards healthier relationships with yourself and with other people; bringing about change in your internal world that impact on your external relationships.
Your Relational Past
In this work, exploring early childhood experiences with caregivers and people with influence on you is fundamental – this can include parents, relatives, siblings, teachers etc. We can begin to identify where ongoing patterns and beliefs stem from, and through attributing these to their source, you will begin to broaden your sense of relationship and what is possible, beyond these limited templates from your past.
There may be messages you have learnt from earlier life that have taught you what emotions, states and behaviours are acceptable to others, which have unconsciously limited what parts or versions of yourself you can bring into your relationships now. Through identifying that these come from the past, you can free up how you relate to people now.
We may come to understand that you didn’t always get ideal parenting as a child, that however well-intentioned your parents were, you may have had emotional and relational needs that weren’t met. Sometimes, you might be able to get a sense of an ‘inner child’ that can still feel frustrated, or shy, or let down, angry or misunderstood – and there is an opportunity through this to develop self-compassion and meet these unmet needs.
New Relational Patterns
Through identifying and reducing relational fears, such as abandonment or intrusiveness, you can begin to develop a more gratifying balance of trust and boundaries; emotional independence and emotional intimacy. Your relationships and trust develop internally, with yourself, as well as externally, with others as you move from anxious or avoidant patterns of relating to a more secure pattern.
Therapy for attachment and relational issues is usually within a holistic approach to building self-insight and resilience. You can find more general information about psychotherapy in Bath with me here.
The Therapeutic Relationship
As a relationally trained therapist, I give careful attention to the way we relate to each other in a therapy session. Just as the relationships in your life outside the therapy room are fundamental to how you feel about yourself and your satisfaction with life, so the therapeutic relationship provides a window into how relationships flourish or falter for you. I provide a safe, non-judgmental space for us to be curious about what helps you feel at ease here, and what you need to begin to build trust and a working relationship with me.
We can begin to establish a secure base for you in the therapy relationship, to begin to heal early relational wounds. You will find yourself building a greater sense of security and safety that you can feel while also being seen and heard by another person. Alongside our relationship, we will pay attention to your relationships outside the therapy room. We might notice how relationships in your life either mirror or differ from what happens between us, allowing you to identify what patterns occur for you, what you want to shift and what you want to develop further to deepen the closest relationships in your life.
Next Steps
If this could be helpful work for you, get in touch using my Contact page, or using the details below:
helenfrost77@hotmail.com
07947868975