It’s one of those paradoxes – the more we try to get past our anxiety, resist it, push against it – it just won’t budge. When we instead turn towards it, get to know it, acknowledge and allow it, it begins to shift.
Working with our Anxious Thoughts
If we work with anxiety, our fist step is to get to know it. We can be curious – what does it consist of? Can we recognise its thoughts? Maybe these are anticipatory: you might think ‘What if I get lost? or sick?’ ‘What if they don’t like me?’ ‘what if I make a fool of myself?’ ‘what if I mess up?’ They may be ruminative. Perhaps your mind circles round on the past and you think ‘I can’t believe I did that’ ‘I wish I hadn’t’ ‘they all looked at me like I’m weird’ ‘I should have said that instead’. Your thoughts are unlikely to be focused on the present moment, but on the imaginative worlds of past and future.
Working with the Body
We can also get curious about the body sensations that arise and fuel this state – hotness or coldness, tightness, nausea, jitteriness, racing heart, sweating palms. Throughout our work we can focus on the physical experience of anxiety. We can hone your ability to notice and tend to your bodily responses – sometimes you may be able to soothe some of your body’s anxious responses, for example, through breath work, muscle relaxation, grounding techniques, visualisations or inner dialogue. You may also learn to build your capacity to tolerate the sensations, and notice that they will dissipate, they never last forever and through this you may notice that they loosen their grip on you.
Responding to Anxiety
Often we react against these thoughts and sensations in ways that aren’t helpful – we panic, feel ashamed, get impatient with ourselves. When we start to change how we respond to ourselves in these natural states of anxiety, the whole picture starts to change as we develop a better relationship with the more vulnerable versions of ourselves. We steadily become more resilient, more confident, stronger.
The Roots of Anxiety
With integrative psychotherapy we can work on anxiety at depth. We can look at your history and make sense of the roots of your anxiety, the early experiences and relationships that have influenced your beliefs, your outlook, the learning and conditioning that have resulted in your responses now. This can lead to a deeper understanding and processing of the distressing experiences and underlying fears that have led to your current patterns. By doing this, you will start to free yourself from these old patterns. In realising where they come from, you will find new ways of experiencing and responding open up.
We can look at the thoughts and beliefs that arise, meeting them with compassion and understanding – at some point, these will have developed with the intention of protecting you. For example, you may have learnt to inhibit yourself to avoid unwanted attention that in the past led to deep distress. The thoughts that inhibit you (such as ‘I’m too much’ or ‘I’m not enough’) may have stuck. By continuing to believe ‘I’m too much’ you won’t risk receiving the criticisms again, but you will be left with a diminished sense of yourself and a limited life. By understanding where these thoughts came from and gently challenging them, they will lose their power.
EMDR for Anxiety in Bath
In some instances, it can be helpful to use EMDR to work with anxiety. You can find out more about EMDR and how I use it within relational therapy here.
Living a Full Life
We can explore your sense of who you are, what your values are, how you want to live your life and what gives your life it’s own, unique meaning. By gradually shifting focus, giving more attention to what’s important to you, your goals, ambition and your ideals of how to live life, you can begin to engage in the longed-for life that you want to be living, despite anxiety. And as your life fills up this way, you will in fact notice that the anxiety recedes and you will no longer be simply getting by, but can begin to grow into the life that you want to be living.
Next Steps
Get in touch via my Contact page or using the details below to explore working together this way in Bath or online:
helenfrost77@hotmail.com
07947868975